Rick & Chris: Eventually Yesterday

February 4, 2013

Post image for Rick & Chris: Eventually Yesterday

Anniversary: June 13th   From: Maple Ridge, British Columbia

I am very excited to introduce you to Rick Modien, who I reached out to after reading some insightful content on his site, This Gay Relationship. He clearly has a knack for leveraging his story to help others on their journeys to become the best versions of themselves. Please enjoy the below essay from Rick on his loving and committed relationship of twenty years.

Drawing from what my partner, Chris, and I have shared over the past two decades, what could I tell you that might help legitimize gay and lesbian relationships and marriages?

Could I tell you they’re perfect? Nope, I can’t tell you that, because they’re not. No relationship or marriage is perfect, gay or straight.

If I had to identify one of the primary causes of conflict between Chris and me, I’d have to say it’s our different approach to nearly everything. Chris operates by the word “eventually”; I operate by the word “yesterday.” Imagine how challenging this has been for us over the years.

I want the landscaping on the side of the house done yesterday, but Chris tells me he’ll get to it eventually. I want to paint a room yesterday, but Chris is happy to get to it eventually. I want the vegetable garden planted yesterday, but Chris…well, you get the idea.

I can’t tell you how furious I’ve become sometimes over what I consider to be Chris’s lackadaisical attitude. But out of arguably our greatest source of conflict has come perhaps our greatest strength as a couple (not to mention our greatest opportunities to learn).

At the risk of overstating the obvious, I’m the impatient one. I want everything now. I want things done now. I don’t want to have to wait for anything. Even worse, I don’t think I should have to wait for anything. I joke with Chris that patience is a bad thing, not good for me at all. Of course, it’s impatience that’s a bad thing, considering what I put myself through when I’m not patient.

I believe we attract to us the people we most need to be with, who will do us the most good, and who have the greatest lessons to teach us. This has been true for Chris and me. I continue to learn from him, even all these years later, as he does from me.

Chris never complains; I always do. Chris’s cup is half full; mine is half empty. Chris has the patience of a saint, and I have my saintly moments, but not often.

Still, we are perfect for each other. I’ve shown him that, sometimes, waiting isn’t an option; that we must get things done right away. Conversely, he’s shown me that, sometimes, not only can things wait to get done, but it may be advantageous to do so.

Let me also add this: Our relationship may not be perfect (although, despite what I’ve written here, it mostly is), but I wouldn’t trade one day with Chris for anything. Not one single thing. In the end, our greatest conflict is dwarfed by who we are together.

I couldn’t imagine living my life without Chris in it. He’s an extraordinary human being, an amazing spirit, and a true blessing. I am one lucky man to have him as my life partner.

-Rick